Be More Savage and Speak Much Better Dutch

Have you been learning and studying Dutch for a while, and noticed that, for some reason, your Dutch isn’t at the level you’d like? Have you noticed that if you want to say something in Dutch, it is hard to express what you really want to say? If this is the case, then this could be one of the reasons… Maybe you are too careful and too cautious…

Let’s do a little test. Here are some questions, and then you can decide whether your answer would be yes or no….

• When you order something in Dutch, do you always say: mag ik?
• Do you apologize when you mispronounce Dutch words or when you make a mistake?
• Do you often believe that there is only one right way to say something?
• Are you afraid that Dutch people could see you as rude?
• Are you sometimes worried that people see you as a baby or a small child while you communicate?
• Would you feel at least a tiny bit embarrassed if what you said in Dutch is something sexual?

If your answer is yes, even one time, then congratulations… you are in what I love to call a risk group, a special group of people who are too cautious and too careful while trying to speak Dutch…

Be Careful With Being Careful

By the way, if you find yourself in this category, here is the first thing to realize. You are certainly not the only one… There are many people just like you, and I have to admit that a long, long time ago, I was one of them too…

Also, while working for over 20 years as a Dutch language coach, I could easily say that being too careful and too careful is one of the main massive obstacles that can stand in the way of a place where you speak great Dutch, without any worry, while feeling good about it most of the time.

One reason we are often too careful is very obvious. It is a simple matter of conditioning. At school, we learned that we need to always strive for straight A’s, which means avoiding mistakes at all times. You can only succeed if you do (almost) everything right, and this automatically means that there is very little freedom and space to freely experiment. Sure, you could free ride now and then, but… what happens if all of a sudden you make a mistake? This could only lower your score, right?

It’s no wonder that when many people try to speak in Dutch, their main goal is to avoid mistakes at all costs and ensure everything they say is correct and makes perfect sense. Although it appears to be a worthy goal, it surely does not feel good. Before you know it, you are stuck in a very rigid way of thinking….

The Fun Begins Outside Your Comfort Zone

To make it even worse, there is something that probably no one ever told you before. If you like to speak a new language, you do not only have to learn new words, grammar and structures. You need to step out of your comfort zone…

Stepping out of your comfort zone is one of the most important skills that you must have if you like to speak Dutch for real. Do you remember how you first felt when you had to pronounce g or ui for the first time? Did it feel uneasy and unnatural to you, and did the idea sometimes cross your mind that now you absolutely sounded ridiculous? Well… this was only the beginning…

Producing alien sounds is just the first step. What most people do not realize is that there are many things to feel uneasy and unsettled about.

Here is something that the vast majority of people do not realize. You already understand that sounds can be different from the language you speak. If, all of a sudden, you have to pronounce ui or g, it does not feel natural, and it is hard to feel at ease about that. And, at the same time, a language is so much more. It is also a whole new set of social and cultural rules that somehow you need to respect and even ‘obey’

This is where the trouble begins… As long as this rule is similar to the rule that exists in your language, you will be ok with it. But… what happens if certain rules violate many things that you believe in?

For example, in every language, people have agreed on what is polite and respectful. There are many – sometimes even invisible – rules. For example, how loud can you speak? Can you interrupt other people while they talk? And – this is always a nice one – how direct you can be when you share a certain truth? And here is the tricky thing…. If people use different rules in a new language, then chances are high that you will be ‘shocked’ or at least slightly embarrassed…

One of the common mistakes I have observed in my work as a Dutch language coach for over 20 years is that people try to be too polite. For example… How would you say in Dutch: I would like to order a coffee, please? If you translate it literally then in Dutch you could say: Ik zou graag koffie willen bestellen or Zou ik misschien een kopje koffie kunnen bestellen?

If you look at these 2 Dutch sentences from an English-speaking perspective, then these sentences are absolutely appropriate, useful if not brilliant…. They are very correct, polite and even polished. But… are these the sentences that you should use in Dutch every day? I wouldn’t think so….

First of all, I would argue that these sentences are too long and therefore harder to remember. On top of it, contrary to what you may think, being polite is not always that positive in Dutch eyes. Sure, you can use these sentences now and then, but if you overuse them, it could somehow lower your social position.

In Dutch culture, there is the idea – at least in theory – that we are all equal. No need to make the request unnecessarily complicated. A short sentences: een koffie graag! Can already do the trick. Graag in Dutch means with love or with pleasure, and it is something that you can often translate as please. If you use ik wil graag, it already sounds like I would love to have, which is extremely positive and welcoming.

That is why it often does not really make sense to overuse mag ik? Often, when you use mag in Dutch, you are asking for permission, and if you overuse it, it sounds very submissive. Sometimes it could even suggest a lack of healthy self-esteem. If you look at it from a Dutch perspective, the logical way of thinking is like this: Why should you ask for permission to order something in a place that is designed for commercial business?

Here is a funny thing…. The theme for many people is not how to be polite, but rather how to be normal in Dutch eyes, and it is important that you are somehow much less polite.

How to ask for things less politely is just one aspect of Dutch culture. One of the most important themes is that in everyday Dutch speech, many things you hear might sound and feel inappropriate in your language. Certain words, certain expressions, a certain sense of humor can be different from your own language, but… if you like to connect with Dutch people for real, it is important to at least understand what they really say…

Quite often, when I share in my language classes how Dutch people really speak, some of my students cannot believe what they hear. They keep telling me that this is not what you could say in English or in any other language, and to be honest, I always find it quite surprising. I always ask myself why it should matter… If you like to speak Dutch for real, then there are other social and cultural rules.

Here is an important truth that you must know if you like to speak another language. You have to accept the social and cultural rules, even if it initially seems you don’t like them. Social and cultural rules can be different. On top of that, if you keep comparing Dutch to your own language, then it could seem that somehow your language is better, and that is not such a polite thing to do, right?

Why Not Go For That Personal Liberation?

In my work, too many people suffer from too many different kinds of inhibitions. Instead of experimenting and playing freely, they play it small. Here is a useful test. How much do you feel at ease saying the F word in English, or to really swear?

Sure… you may not want to use the F word in your conversations, but this is not the point. Can you say some horrendous things in your language and feel at complete ease about it? If so, then congratulations…. You are on the right track to a massive liberation, and you are heading to a place where you can speak a new language far more freely….

Here is another way to say it… if you like to speak much better Dutch, then make sure that you get rid of all those inhibitions that barely serve you… Why not say F*** with elegance and grace? Be more savage…. Be wild! And speak Dutch with far more confidence, while having fun!

When you are ready to go one step further, check out the Dutch Brainwash. This masterclass is a tried-and-true program that has the power to revolutionize your Dutch. Aside from tripling your vocabulary

Albert Both

Talencoach / Dutch Flow Now